Reclaiming Myself

Life, is seemingly in a constant flux of life and death. Indeed, there are manifestations of that very journey found in many of our endeavors. Hard to imagine belief in the words: stable, settled and secure. Form is always changing. Intermittent cycles.

I journey on shedding the verbal baggage of the past. Stepping unto myself and my environment, (even if it is temporarily in the place I grew up), enables this shedding. Stranglehold of negative connotations from a decaying relationship manifested poison. If it is not addressed and shed, leads way to allowing destruction within our psyche. Funny how long something tortures and rings on mentally until you rise up and challenge to let it go.

"High-maintenace" what does that really mean? According to the American Heritage Dictionary, 'maintenance' means the act of maintaining, the work of keeping something proper in working condition, a means of supporting. So I guess if you say 'high-maintenance' it means making much effort into keeping something in 'proper working condition' right? Isn't it funny how we start off as ourselves, esteem intact and if we enter a relationship it means anothers' perspectives, values, beliefs become absorbed? Not necessarily mirrored, but definitely absorbed. The negative and the positive. The critical and the loving. We get caught up in this eternal dual synthesis of a dance.

That poison has lingered a long enough. Now I take the reins actively to purge myself of that mental stagnation. If called something long enough, it becomes a real struggle not to be influenced by its' power of suggestion. We are responsible for our shaping. We make choices that lead us to the places we are in today. Always fight to stand up for yourself, your self worth, your self esteem, your very spirit when in the context of a relationship. Never hand over the power to anyone, to strip you of any of these. You'd think that would be common sense but really it's a slipping rarity. All of us get caught up in how our partner 'views' us and the critical can be downright toxic. It's okay to leave room for growth in certain areas but it isn't okay to be seen as something reduced in value.

I release the toxins that keep me from moving forward. I know what I want out of life, I know who I am in this life, I know of my capabilities and limitations. I know how much to invest or not invest into something or someone. I strive hard today, to be someone that my children can one day look up to. It takes a lot to intimidate me and even then I don't flee but strive hard to work through that. I will no longer be passive when called certain things that I know are not true about myself. There is such an amazing sense of power that envelops me knowing that I can take responsibility for how I am to be shaped.

I want the best exerted from myself and others. A true extractment of that which is genuine. As I age, I become more refined, mature, experienced and confident. So if knowing what I want and not being afraid to go after it makes me 'high-maintenance' so be it. It is just a silly label that I allowed for some time to mess with me. I gave it the power to do so. It's this same power that I step up to now and reclaim. I set free, that which no longer serves my growth but the lesson it brought to awareness is blessed before it journeys on.