Rays of Consciousness

Insight into who I am? Hmm, one of my dearest friends said, "You need to get your t.v. watchin, greenery smokin, feline lovin, tree-huggin, no meat eatin, Goddess-adoring butt out of that bed and get to school! You hear me?!?" Of course I mumble and grumble in protest, mornings aren't my bag.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

When I hear people converse, bicker, moan and groan about how they think intellect is lacking in their partners, family, friends...I can't help but smile. I am not plagued with that nonsense. I used to think that I would want out of a partner, an intellectual equal. While it is true I would like her to be intelligent on some level, I finally learned there's something way more important than intellect. Also before I get into what that is, let me just say I wish people would stop looking for their partner, friends or family to be perfectly suitable in meeting all of their needs. It isn't existent. No singular person shoud ever be expected to meet all those needs for you. We can however fulfill our needs and desires from a multitude of people in our lives.

One of my best friends in this life IS my intellectual equal, but I know that I am not hers. She's way beyond intelligent and I can only wish that someday she finds her match too. Someone who will dance the quantum physics dance with her while I sit back and smile because she's living, engaged, active, and happy just to be having that stimulated conversation. I know in my heart I am able to meet her needs on other levels and that's enough for me.

I used to wish my ex would be my spiritual equal. She has so much potential within it is just a matter of activating it when she's ready. I should have never pushed or 'encouraged her highly' to engage herself on that path until she was fully ready. Instead I was able to get the spiritual hunger I felt met from another best friend living all the way on the East coast. I was able to have my wiccan conversations with roommates in California, they were mere fledgings to the Craft but quickly developed into their own inner powers and I had the privilege to guide and watch it blossom before me. In turn the three of us would do rituals together, usually with me leading as High Priestess. Later with me encouraging them to at least become the High Priestess of their Element when it was to be invoked for a sacred circle and magickal workings. They were able to quench some of my spiritual hunger and I didn't have to feel so isolated in my spirituality.

The emotional needs get met through a wide variety of people in my life. I think it is important that we take turns being emotionally strong for our partners, friends and family and not drain a single resource we have in our lives. When they're vulnerable, sad, feeling broken, be the glue for them, sit there and listen. Buy them a coffee and let them talk it out. Be their temporary source of strength to turn to and them give them the tools to find the strength within themselves for themselves. We should never create relationships where one feels dependent on another for their strength or their 'glue' to hold onto life....it's more than okay to carry them for a while, but it isn't okay to carry them forever. All the patience and gentleness in guiding them is vital but it is equally crucial to open them up to the tools to grasp onto for dealing with situations by themselves.

What I find more important than intellect, emotional, spiritual, physical needs to be met is this: WILLPOWER. People often speak of this word in association of quitting something destructive in their lives. I want to speak about the power in terms of getting things done and creating life anew.

I would rather have a partner that was WILLING to learn how to meet my needs only after she's had a solid grip on meeting her own. That way the relationship has a chance of lasting a 'lifetime' . I would rather have a partner that was WILLING to learn about my holidays but still be true to her own divine connection whatever that is. WiILLING to engage with me on one or all of the holidays, so she can show me that she not only finds me important but honors what's important to me too. WILLING to let me inside of her and give me a chance to learn fully who she is. Learning about a person to the fullest, weather its a partner or not, takes y e a r s. I'm not speaking of two or three years, I'm speaking y e a r s here. One should never expect the other to be able to 'read' them without open communication. That type of 'reading' without the open communication, takes y e a r s first. There are going to be times when our friends are able to read us better spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally....but that doesn't mean our partners are inadequate. It doesn't mean there is love lacking. It doesn't mean we aren't paying attention. We're just all designed and packaged differently. We all have different things to bring to the table. We have our strengths and our weaknesses and its up to the other people in our lives to work with that or not.

I will not get caught up in having a partner that has the highest IQ, or makes the most money, or is the same spirituality as I, or keeps up with all the latests 'fashions'. More than anything, I just want a partner that has the Power of Will behind her. I want that reflected in my closest friends and in certain family bonds I choose to nuture and grow with. My inner circle is made up of some pretty strong-willed people and that's because the people we are the most intimate with are a reflection of who you are, or at least, who you're trying to be. We tend to become close with friends because they have qualities that are either reflected back in yourself or qualities you'd really like to see grow within yourself. It's the same with partners. We're attracted to them because of a magnetic pull or a magnetic want. Honor those connections for without them as our support circle, we'll perish. Human beings weren't designed to be loners, that is an illusion if you think you are. Deep down to the core of our beings we are seeking CONNECTION with ourselves and each other.

We take this sacred connection and apply it to the world at large. Everything is inter-connected with each other, everything. Separation and lonliness are illusions. We all become deluded sometimes but it is our connections to animals, people and the world that will ALWAYS bring us back Home to where we belong. Closing your eyes and willing yourself to a better future is the first step in creating THAT future. Nourising the will to believe only the best in and of yourself will result in giving birth to the person you ache to become.

The power of will is what I find to be, the most attractive quality I'd ever want to find in a partner, a friend, and a family member.

If you find yourself without it, chances are you aren't really living then.