Rays of Consciousness

Insight into who I am? Hmm, one of my dearest friends said, "You need to get your t.v. watchin, greenery smokin, feline lovin, tree-huggin, no meat eatin, Goddess-adoring butt out of that bed and get to school! You hear me?!?" Of course I mumble and grumble in protest, mornings aren't my bag.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Send off for Roslyn

My best friend throughout high school died on her way back from my college graduation. Though there is much weight in my heart regarding owning her last memory, there is also so much honor felt too.

Here's what I will be saying at the funeral.

What can I say about Roslyn? A million things. I could stand here for the rest of the night and talk about her endlessly.

We were best friends all throughout high school. People used to tell us all the time that when separated from each other, we were angels but together was an entirely different story. Yes, we were mischievious during high school. We'd talk each other into ditching classes sometimes and ran outside laughing to do whatever we thought was better than going to class.

We used to stay overnight at each others houses. We'd stay up real late and our favorite pastime of all was signing songs together. Sometimes we'd sign one to the other but most times we signed them together, a little musical duet the two of us were. We were even in a Talent Show at Jefferon High together.

We had a fall out right before I left for college and didn't speak to each other for years. I missed her though wondered often how she was doing. Last summer I came home to Colorado for the summer and went to this deaf event. I saw her again for the first time in years. It hit me right then how much I missed our friendship so I went right up to her and started talking to her.

The thing about Roslyn and I is that once two people reach that type of closeness we had, it is very easy to start talking again as if no time had passed. We picked up instantly as if we never missed a beat.

In the last year that we were in each others' lives I was really learning about who Roslyn was as an adult, not the high school kids we once were. I had found myself admiring her and just really enjoying learning about her transformation over the years. It felt so good to be able to confide in each other again.

When she told me she wanted to come out to see me graduate, I was very honored and touched. I told her everyday online how excited I was to have her and Joel come out to see me. I'm glad I was telling her how honored I felt, it means the world to me now, knowing that she knew how much she was appreciated and is loved.

She was putting together this video for my graduation that had several people including my dad and brother and herself all individually talking about how proud they were of me. I haven't seen this video yet but this simple gesture of a project speaks volumes about how large her heart was. She not only made sure I knew how proud she was of me, but how everyone else was too. That is an overwhelming affirmation of her love that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Roslyn taught me a huge huge lesson. She taught me that forgiveness, kindness, and compassion all go hand in hand with each other. One cannot exist without the other or it wouldn't be genuine. At my graduation speech they were talking about how America is a second-chance country. Most of at Pierce Community College were there on our second chances. I remember my eyes seeking Roslyn out in the audience and smiling at her when I heard that. I will forever be grateful for having that chance with her again.

If there's anyone here who didn't get to have that chance with her, now is the time to have it. If she could teach forgiveness, kindness and compassion in life then let her envelope you in it in her death as well. Allow her power to be transcendent.

In conclusion, let me just say that out of all the people I've known, Roslyn has always had a personality that was larger than life. If there could be one word that I feel captures her it would be this: Exuberance. This means joyously unrestrained.

She had a smile which was always contagious and her laughter had everyone rippling along with her in no time. She was fully coming into her own and she shone brightly. Since she was able to spread her love and make wishes come true, I think the symbol that fits her best is a shooting star. Indeed, whenever I really need her I will look to the starry skies and talk to her. I know when the stars twinkle she'll be letting me know she hears me. Here's a quote she had attached to all of our emails:

Starlight, Starbright, Little wish in the moonlight, Sparkle and Shine, You'll always be a friend of mine!

I will take the things she taught me and honor her by teaching others the same.

Thank you Roslynee for illuminating my life. I love you and Blessed Be.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Well I did it! I'm no longer just a high school graduate but a college one now. Feels pretty nice to have that behind me after doing the work twice for this degree. I was so embarrassed though you all wouldn't believe it but Jeri and I got stuck in really horrible traffic that we not only missed our line-up but the actual walk to the seats too. It was HUMILATING to go around the center and quietly duck my way to my seat. Oh well though I was really only five minutes late but still the whole walk and everything was pretty vital to the ceremony, I felt horrible to learn dad was waiting to take a picture of me walking. The humilating feelings just wouldn't subside til finally a good forty minutes into the ceremony and then I started breathing normally again.

Aw sheesh of all times to be stuck in traffic. I was actually in the first row to walk up and get my 'degree' from the President of our college. Probably one of the first ten people to get the degree. They didn't do alphabetical order for some reason. Anyways, it was nice hearing all the screams of cheering and support when I got it, had to smile and as I walked down the ramp, raised my hands in the air with the degree as if to say FINALLY! Heheh. Of course, lots of pictures were taken with various people afterwards.

Some friends I wasn't expecting also showed up at Claim Jumpers to surprise me, some had drove from Long Beach, San Diego and Colorado. We had a long full round table of about seventeen people sitting and chatting away. Dad and Aaron (my brother), to the side of me and you wouldn't believe it....I am still swallowing this but Dad paid for EVERYONES' meal there afterwards! The bill had to have been over 300 to 400 dollars and I was protesting that they didn't expect him to do that and had every intention of paying for their own meal and several kept trying to give my dad cash but he was adamant about paying for the entire thing. "It's my daughters' graduation so back off" is what he kept saying. Very generous.
Got some nice cards, graduation gifts and all but I'd definitely have to say the CHAMP one will be getting a laptop from dad as a graduation gift. He'll be working on getting me one soon so that's real nice that I'll finally own a computer of some sort! No more telling friends "Well I gotta go in ten minutes my time will be up soon" good grief! I'm excited about being able to take it with me to like Starbucks and do my homework or research there and all. I've been so envious of those that have one while I studied my cards there.
Jeri and I had added rainbow tassels to our traditional ones and it was nice to wear that with 'pride' I normally don't really wear any rainbow stuff just because I've outgrown that for the most part. I was into that heavily at seventeen and at Gallaudet for the first time as some of you quite well remember. Had a few friends come over after dinner and play some games and hang out at my place. Here it is 5 in the morning and finally I can hit the sack after the last one has just now left. Only to wake up in three hours to say bye to dad and Aaron before they take off to the airport to go back home.
I really really had a blast with them and my friends. Felt very much loved and supported and it was just an awesome cherished feeling!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Alrighty folks let me say first off I'm about to post a poem that I wouldn't have dared having the courage to do so if our little Veronica hadn't posted her poem a while back about being beneath some guy in the heat of lovemaking so here's my tidbit. Ahem, if you aren't liberated then don't read this!

I throw my head back and arch my back
Acts of self-love I do not lack
My fingers circle these two ripe mounds
Jolts of energy stirring southbound

Eyes closed, I lick my lips
My hands find my curvaceous hips
My mind free from sin of shame
My hair tangled and untamed

I spiral on this magnificient clit
Open and release my erogenous slit
An affirmation of love starts flooding out
A tingling sensation throughout and about

Rippling peak, the wild beast, discharged!
Escatic screams, seeing the world at large!