Most of you who know me know then that I embrace various kinds of 'spiritual' truth. I can draw strength and inspiration from even some hardcore Christian spiritualists. As a Priestess of the Old Ways, I am secure enough in my own spirituality that their offers of insight do not unhinge nor threaten my foundations. Indeed only in this web of interconnection will one realize that true richness comes when spiritual leaders find a harmonious ground in which to share their wisdom. Only when we allow ourselves to listen openly, will we begin to see the prism for which a myriad of truths can then be reflected. When rays of light kiss the prism gently, we manifest sparkling consciousness.

What I'm about to share with you is taken from a book I am reading entitled, The Wisdom of Letting Go: The Path of the Wounded Soul by Father Leo Booth.

I am realizing I am not responsible for how you feel.

This is a very hard lesson for me to learn. All my life I had grown up believing I was responsible for your happiness, joy, sorrow, excitement and tears. The list went on and on. I never really understood that you have a choice in life, and that you are responsible for your feelings.

Feelings were never really discussed in my home, church or university. Even when I went to theological college, and we had long lectures on spirituality, faith and relationships, the topic of feelings rarely, if ever, came up. I was ignorant of my feelings, and yours. I certainly did not know who was responsible for the feelings that always manifested themselves. It was easier to simply to blame myself!

The above statement tells me clearly that I am responsible for how I live, what I say, and the actions I take. This includes my feelings. But I am not responsible for the feelings you have. It is somewhat arrogant to assume I am responsible for your feelings, because they are yours!

Of course, the statement is not saying my actions, behavior, and speech do not affect you. One cannot live alongside another, or in a community, without being affected or influenced by others- but your response to life and people is yours. Your responsibility.

The force of this statement prompts people to examine where they are in their lives, and whether they are living and operating in a "safe place." Choice is a powerful spiritual word, and it is so intimately associated with responsibility. If we feel sad, happy, angry, joyous, guilty, etc., them we need to take responsibility for healing and nuturing those feelings.

It is no longer acceptable to blame others for your twenty years of unhappiness because spiritually we will be asked why we allowed ourselves to stay in those situations for so long. Equally, we will be encouraged to take pride in the joy and happiness we have created by staying in certain relationships with healthy friends and colleagues.

Truly we are learning the wisdom of the statement: "We teach people how to treat us." This includes and affects our feelings.

Prayer: Spirit God, who created me with feelings that need to be expressed in a healthy environment, today I accept and take responsibility for them.

I just found this segment of the book really empowering and wanted to share. Hope it has stirred or awakened consciousness within some or all of you. It certainly did for me.

Well I'm really gonna do it I've scheduled the V.R. appointment and an appointment to see the school and get a tour of it down in Austin. I actually made the appointment not realizing until later that it's the same day the school starts up for the Fall trimesters. Cool to see the campus in action then. All I have left now is to schedule appointments to see studio/one bedroom apartments. Definitely all close to the school I want to go to. Larry email me some contact info of your deaf friends familiar with Austins queer community I'd appreciate learning from one or more sources firsthand what it's like there over coffee. I look forward to visiting 6th Street and if I travel with Lessy, Hippy Hollow. Definetely won't want to visit Hippy Hollow with my Dad from Dallas! It's up in the air who I'm traveling with or if I travel there alone. Any way it works out is fine with me. If I go alone I'd stay at a hostel near the school, learn the bus routes, and just enjoy being there while I can. Lessy says there is a bridge where many bats live and I thought to myself that'd be so cool to see, along with a grrlie bar or two she knows of.

Don't have too much else to say at the moment other than I'm excited and nervous about this upcoming trip...anxious even more to see where it is I make the decision to move to. I'm sick of being in limbo with that. I just want to travel to the destination that will make me be who I wanna be when I grow up!

Whatcha think folks? A tree sit-in somewhere in a Redwood forest, or riding off somewhere into a Texan sunset? Let the dice land where it may, but sheesh land already, m'kay?

I helped my family re-paint my grandfathers' house. We re-did the white foundation with brown trimmings and it looks so good, my grandma would be so proud. I am thinking of going to the art store to buy copper paint to do the outlines of the white deers on the shutters so that it looks even more spectacular. I especially took over for the playhouse I grew up in. Painting the primer on it and what not. Really was sentimental for me sifting through cozy warm memories of a childhood played out in past summer heats.

Been a whirlwind of plans lately too. Friends and family to catch up with and all. Am really having doubts about Austin simply because of not really having one support link there that I could count on....I mean dad is there but three hours away from where I'd be...Kristin may as well be in another state being all the way up North, and Nikki lives near my dad in Fort Worth so it's difficult to embrace a place where there are no links.

When I think of Santa Rosa, I have one link that is there and its a roommate I've already lived with in the Valley so that right there is appealing. She even mentioned a four bedroom house that we could rent, her and her new girlfriend and I. How interesting that would be since she lived with me while I was in a relationship and now the tables would be reversed if that plan comes through. It just feels easier on all levels if I chose Santa Rosa... hmm also Bastyr University sounds really really fantastic and I'm really attracted to their program so if I could get all the qualifications met in Santa Rosa I could then move to Seattle and go to Bastyr. How easy it is to talk about it, and so much harder it is to work towards it. Both of which I am dedicated to doing even though there is frustration at the pace it's taking...

Then again I remember once I said to a friend "Don't do things because they're easier....do things because it's the right thing to do and the right timing to do it in". Kinda gotta practice what I preach there. So maybe I will give Austin a chance and a visit...who knows. We'll see. If I go it would be in the first week of September or after a friend of mine has her child mid way through September, she'll kill me if I miss it.

I go bridesmaid shopping with a friend tomorrow she is to be the matron of honor and wants my feminine feedback. Oh joy in a store that'll remind me I'm pretty far from having that aspect played out in my life. Grrr heeeheee. That's alright, I have my educational goals to sustain me who needs a womyn to settle with? Fiddle dee dee! I won't think about that today, I'll think about it tomorrow!

Y'all watch the Presidential electional speeches lately? I enjoyed hearing what Kerry had to say when he was visiting downtown Denver, watched it on the news and liked his vows and of promising to make our homefront security stronger. I really think the war efforts would be withdrawn to several levels if he is in the office. I've been really impressed with the people downtown on the streets making sure people are registered to vote this year....this having a more weight of importance penetrating into our consciousness like it should. We can't go bombing our way into a country before a full investigation has even been thoroughly done. The slaughter of innocents is making me livid and sick. A stronger America DOES begin at home. Problem is, what of the other countries at risk and in need of our protection, hope, compassion, love and honor? We're called selfish if we don't help but jumped on for 'getting involved' if we do help.

Damned if you do....damned if you don't.

My vote is for peace. Helping to make sure ours is solidified but not stopping at that, helping to make the rest of the world find that solidification too. After all we really are much like a web, when one strand is ripped off there will be a ripple that shudders through the rest of the web making us alert to one thing: Interconnection.